Three realtors, a hundred years of combined experience, and one thing they all agree on: it's never really about the house. Evelyn, Ruth, and Sandy get into why regret almost never comes from the house itself, why asking "why" one more time changes everything, and why win-win deals age better than win-lose ones.
Three realtors. Over a hundred years of combined experience. And not one client who's ever called back regretting a purchase. In this episode, Evelyn Lopes, Ruth Ballantyne, and Sandy Casella sit down to talk about why buying and selling a home is emotional, not logical, and why that's actually a good thing. They dig into why people move, using a simple technique of asking why again and again until the real reason shows up. They talk about the difference between buyer excitement and seller grief, why win-win negotiating protects you long after closing day, and why more online listings haven't made house hunting any easier. There's a personal story about renovating a home after a divorce, a client who took six months to sell her late mother's house, and the moment a door opens and you just know. If you've ever wondered why a house you didn't plan on buying ended up being the one, or why waiting for the "right time" rarely works out, this conversation is for you.
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Between the three of us, we have been in over 1,000 living rooms. We've sat at kitchen tables during divorces, retirements, family breakdowns, and fresh starts, and nobody calls a realtor on a normal day. I think we've all figured that out. They call us when something has changed. And in 100 years of combined experience, the one thing that has never surprised us is this: it's never really about the house.
So true. It's not really about the house. It's always about what's happening to the people in the house. And one of the things I think I've learned over the years is that a house is only a house till the people move in, and that's what makes it a home. And I think that is one of the biggest things that people don't realize when they're buying real estate, that it's not a house, it's a home.
It's all about their life. So let me ask a question. When did both of you realize that this job was really more about the people than it was about property? Was there... C- can you name a specific moment where that happened? Or was it just a realization you came to eventually?
[00:01:00] I came from the Bank of Montreal into real estate, so it was always about policy and procedure, and what you could and couldn't do was all about what's in these 17 binders, and that was formed exactly what you could and couldn't do. And when you come into real estate, I think at the...
I think fairly early on you realize that it's not gonna be like that because people aren't a P&P. They're not policy and procedure. They're all different. They do things different ways. They feel different things, and how they wanna live their lives is just totally different, so I think that is... was what I realized.
Yeah. I would say the same thing. I realized that early on. You think you get into real estate and that you're just gonna, sell houses, but it is so much more than that. I think the selling of the house is probably one of the lesser things that we do. It's everything else. And I think that everybody looks at a house differently.
And the other thing that I think really makes this job exciting and [00:02:00] keeps me in it for so long is that every day is a new day. I'm talking to new people. They're experiencing different things in their lives, or they might even be experiencing the same thing in their lives, but they are coming to that experience differently, right?
Even if you look at something simple like a first-time home buyer who's buying their first home, for some of them, they're super, super scared, and other ones, they're super excited and, other ones think that, "Oh, I can now have a place to do work." And other ones are like, "Oh my gosh, I don't wanna do any-" work.
I don't know, so everybody has a different experience that they're bringing to the table, and I think that's because we all live our lives differently. We're humans, right? It's a different experience for every one of us. Yeah, so true. I think I realize that, like I, I think you guys will probably agree with this.
In 36 years of selling real estate, I've never had somebody regret buying a property. I've had a lot of people who've bought... not done, not made a move, and then regretted not making the move, but I've [00:03:00] never had someone who's bought a house and then called and been upset that they bought that house. And I found it interesting because I w- I always thought, people sometimes were so scared to buy a certain house, or they wanted a certain school or something they wanted, and then they ended up buying different, and then they always fell in love with the neighborhood or the house that...
something, right? They always kinda made it work, and it became really clear to me that it was more of a mindset thing than it was about the house. Because once they moved in, they'd made that decision, and then they all made the best of it. So it became really clear that when people start shopping for a house, they think it's about the house, but it's not about the house.
It is to a certain extent, but it's not really about the house. There's so much more emotion involved in it. It is. But now I have heard of stories where people have bought a house and really regretted it, and I think that in part that might be due to who's guiding them through that journey, right? So sometimes people feel that they have to buy a house for a specific reason. it's... They're buying it to [00:04:00] impress, for example, other people, or they're buying it to get into a neighborhood that maybe really doesn't suit their lifestyle.
So I think it's important that they have a guide, someone who can help them through all of their emotions so that they never forget the real reason why they're buying a house. And whenever I sit with a person, and I say you're thinking about moving?" "Yeah." Why are you thinking about moving?"
"Oh, I need a bigger house." It's never about the bigger house. You get into that conversation. "So what's important about a bigger house for you?" I just need more room." "And what's important about more room?" I've accumulated a lot of furniture, and I have this and that."
And you keep asking that question, and you get deeper on it, and you find out really they need a bigger house because, not only do they have these three children, but now their elderly parents are not doing so well on their own. And so maybe they really need this bigger house so that they can have the opportunity of their parents to come live with them now or in the future or something.
[00:05:00] So it's never just about the house. It's always about the lives that they are living at that moment, and their lives and the house have to mesh together. So I think it's important that they do have a guide to help them through that transition, and I think it's those people that don't regret it.
Because we do hear people that say, "Oh, I wish I never bought that house." And I've never had somebody who said that, and I'm sure, Ruth, you haven't either. But I think we're really honest with them, and we also help navigate them through that transaction so they're buying it for the right reasons.
Sometimes I think it's not that they regret buying a house, they may regret buying that particular house, and usually it's because something in their life has changed at that point. It's when they bought the house, it might have been the perfect house for them, but over the course, like in your example, Evelyn, where now they need a h- need something else, maybe they would say, "Oh, I wish I hadn't bought this house because I want a place now for my in-laws to live in."
But I [00:06:00] don't ever, I don't know that I've ever heard someone say, "I wish I'd never bought a house at all." And I think e- and I think even in that instance where they say, "Now I have to have a bigger house for my in-laws," they don't regret the house that they buy if they buy it right. It's just "I love this house." This is what I hear. "I love this house, but now it's too small because blah, blah, blah."
Something else has happened. I think the only time, like I said, I've never had it, but I have heard of stories, it's just where they felt like they were pushed into it by, not only their realtor, but their friends or their spouse. Something about that purchase was not right. And that's why I think it's important to, when you're buying a house, to always go back to what's important about this move to you, and not just the bigger or smaller house.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's a good point, Evelyn. I, and I think to your point about not having, a- w- working with a good team, right? Because I, I think when I hear people say-- when I go to meet clients who are selling a house and they have regrets about the house, it's usually something like, "I felt [00:07:00] rushed into putting an offer in on this house," or, "I felt like I wasn't given all the information I needed before I made this decision."
That's more about what people regret about it. And sometimes that's a-- You're right, it could be pressure from somebody. It could be pressure from a family member who says, "Oh, why would you buy that? You should buy this," or, "Why would you buy there? You should buy here," or something like that.
It's some- like an outside source that has you know, m-maybe even, a realtor pushing them into putting an offer in quickly, and they feel, they felt rushed into doing something. So I think that's more along the lines of what people regret. But I, I-- like I can honestly say I've never had a client who's, who I've talked to afterwards that's been, like, upset that they made a move.
No matter how scared they were, they're always happy that they did it. And it's more the other way around, where people are like, "Damn, I should've bought that house. Remember that house we saw that, this time? I should've bought that one." So we all, I think, agree that buying a house is really an emotional process. And I'm curious, do you think that there's a difference between how buyers feel and how sellers feel [00:08:00] when they are in a real estate transaction? And is there one that's harder to navigate than the other? I do. I think there's a difference because the sellers have emotional attachment to the house that the buyers have not yet claimed.
So the buyer is, it's all excitement and I can't wait to move forward and, often we're getting married or we're having a baby or whatever. When you're buying, it's all excitement. When you're selling, it's, "Oh my God, I've lived here for 15 years, and I love everything about it, and how am I gonna walk out that door when, the notches of my kids' heights on the wall?"
and things like that. So I do think there, I think that the attachment is something that sellers have that buyers don't have as much yeah. I think the one thing that they have in common is fear. Fear of the next step. So for sellers, it's fear, "I'm leaving this house that I am so comfortable in, and now I have to push myself to experience new things in a new home."
And on the [00:09:00] buyer side, I think the fear is, "Oh my goodness, how much is this gonna cost and am I gonna be able to afford it?" So I think that's one thing that they have in common. But I think their experiences, like you said, Ruth, are coming from a different angle Yeah, and I think with buyers and sellers it's always like the buyer-- the buyers are always thinking that the seller is getting too much money, and the seller always thinks the buyer's not paying enough.
So I always tell buyers and sellers I've never had a situation really where the seller is sitting back going, "Oh my God," "I made so much money on this house." L- like thinking they took advantage of a buyer, and vice versa, right? Where a seller w- or where a buyer feels like they got such a good deal that the...
it always ends up being a win-win, and I don't-- I think sometimes everybody thinks it's the other way around, where that's not really the case. The sellers almost never feel like they made too much money, and the buyers never feel like they paid too little. They always think they paid too much.
That's one thing I always like to explain to them is when you're working with a buyer and seller, that's always what [00:10:00] happens at the end. Everybody thinks the other person got a better deal than they did. So
you said something there, Sandy, that really stuck out in my mind. You said, "It's a win-win." And I think that is a key philosophy of somebody with experience because a lot of, I think people go into the negotiation where it's like, "I'm gonna get my client the best deal, and I don't care what happens to the other side," and it becomes a win-lose, and that's not a good way to, I think, negotiate.
I think the best way is where they both feel that they've won something. They both feel that they've been heard, and they've achieved what they need to achieve. They feel satisfied. Because I think when you have it and the balance is not good, that makes it really hard because once you've negotiated the deal, there's still a lot of things to get done to cross that finish line, and you need to have both parties on board and to feel that this was the right move for them.
So when you said win-win, I thought, "Yes, [00:11:00] that's really key and really important."
Oh, yeah. ' Cause I think we've all been involved in situations where maybe the buyer or the seller, one of them really digs their heels in and won't move on a specific, on something specific, and then they end up getting the deal, and then they want something. They need to change the closing date by one day, or they need some- and the other person's "Oh, sorry."
you may win the battle, but the war like then you get stuck on something else, and I've seen that so many times. I think that's the worst thing you can do is just like really dig your heels in like that and not try to give something. - I think when it's a win-win for everybody, the other person's more inclined to help you out down the road when you need something.
Where, the buyer will do that, and then they'll ask for an extension, and the seller is like, "No, sorry, can't do it." \ I just did a deal with a- an agent who I had a great interaction with, and so did our clients. And so we recently went for our final walkthrough, and it was so funny because my clients, who were the buyers, [00:12:00] brought the sellers a gift.
And the sellers gave them a whole bunch of stuff for them because they knew it was their first house, and they were going to something smaller, and they didn't need it. And I just kinda-- And they were just you're supposed to be there for a certain amount of time, and they were just talking and getting into things.
And oh, and then they were saying like, "You should go here," and "Here's the other neighbor," and, "Here's some events that are happening." And I thought, "This is how it should be." Because the seller w- was leaving their house that they had lived in, and they felt that, the new buyers were really nice people and were gonna get along with their neighbors because for them, their neighbors that they were leaving was very important for them.
And on the buyer side, they felt really welcomed, and they felt they had made the right decision, and these people had really taken care of the house, and they both had mutual respect for each other. And I was just like, " I love this." It's just, I love it. It's great.
I know. That's the best, eh? I just love that. I love when that happens. Have you guys ha- ever had a client who couldn't sell [00:13:00] because the house was... they were too connected to the house or to a person or to a memory? I have had people that have had to go through that process. I'm actually going through that right now with a couple that's downsizing.
And the one that really needs to downsize because of health issues and things isn't ready. I really don't think they're ready. The other party is definitely ready and is wanting to pack things up, and the other one keeps saying why are you getting rid of that?" And, "We need to take that one to the new place."
And that, the other spouse is saying, "But we're, we don't have room for it. It's not gonna fit." I think often when somebody's making a move, they have to be mentally ready to do that. And so sometimes it's a process. It's not, you wake up one day and you say, "Oh, I'm gonna move today," right?
It's always a process. Whether it's an easier process or a harder process, it's always a process. They've gotta go through that letting go.
Oh, I was gonna say the opposite way there, but in the end it comes around to the same thing, is that often [00:14:00] people take maybe six months, sometimes a year, to come around to the fact that they really wanna do this. They have it in their head, "I need to do this," but wanting to do it is something totally different.
And I think often they live with that and they work through it, and then all of a sudden one day they get up and have worked through it for a year, so they say, "Okay, yeah, I can do this today," right? Like that... Because I have the same thing. I have clients right now and the, it, they wanna do it. One of them really wants to do it.
The other one is I don't know." So we're waiting now till she is ready.
And I think the reason why people aren't quite ready is because they have questions that are unanswered. It's that not having clarity that sort of keeps them from moving forward, and it does for a lot of things in life. If you don't know what the next step is gonna bring sometimes, you're afraid to take that next step, right?
So I think the reason why people sometimes have a longer [00:15:00] period is because they have a lot of unanswered questions. "Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do with all my stuff? Am I gonna be able to afford it?" "Am I leaving my friends or my family behind?" So they've gotta work those things out.
It's not... and you can see that's not about the house. It's about their life, and they have to be ready to walk into that next phase of their life. And so sometimes they just need time to work those out, and their realtor can help them with some of those things. "Here's some options where you can go to.
Here's what the lifestyle's gonna be like. Here's what the neighborhood's here's what, the neighborhood offers." "Here's what the pricing is like." "Here's some neighborhoods you may have not even thought about." So we can answer those questions, but in terms of, some of their more personal questions, we can be a support, but they've gotta work through those out on their own, I think.
Yeah I have two examples of this. I'll try to keep them short. So one is a personal example, and it's the opposite of where I had to sell a house [00:16:00] because of the emotion. But I-- so I, I-- when I left my marriage and I bought another pr- I-- the first property I bought when I left that marriage on my own, I renovated that house from top to bottom, and it was really nice.
And then I rented it out, and I couldn't rent it out. Emotionally, I couldn't rent it out because every little thing that went wrong with that house, I took so personal because it was just a really-- I was really emotionally attached to that house because of what it meant to me. And so I ended up selling it because I knew I wasn't going to move back in, and I just couldn't bear the thought of renting it out and having someone live in the house that didn't love it.
And then on the other side, I had a client who, when we talk about the money it's not always about the money, right? I had a client whose mom had passed away and needed to... needed to sell the house. Anyway, we-- this was when the market was starting to turn, and the prices were going down.
And this, I think, where the rushing feeling like you're rushed comes into play. The spouse kept saying, "You need to get this house on the market [00:17:00] and get it sold. The market's going down." And the other spouse whose parent had died was-- just couldn't do it. There was so much emotion.
They'd grown up in that house, and there was so much emotion. And I just kept saying to them "You just, you're gonna have to go through the process." And they went through, and they cleaned it out. And they could have hired somebody and had that place done in a week and had it on the market, and it ended up taking six months because they want-- needed to go-- they needed to go through that grieving process and go through everything in that house and do what they needed to do.
And at the end, it did sell for less money, and the one spouse was upset that they waited so long. And the one whose parent had died said it's, it was never about the money for me. It was never about the money." They needed to go through that process, and I think if they had been rushed into that process, it would've been, it would've been disaster, like emotionally disastrous for them.
They just needed to do that, and they said it's, wasn't about the money for me. An extra 50,000 whatever is not gonna make or break me, and I just couldn't do it. So I think there's, there's-- [00:18:00] it, it is a very emotional thing to go through at any time. Whether or not that's your situation, buying and selling is always emotional.
I think it's the one thing people don't understand about a house is that it's not it's not about dollars and cents. It's all about how you feel about it and how that property or house, it- how it's gonna take you on your journey through life
And I have, I've lis- I listen to podcasts sometimes with people who talk about investing, and I, it really just gets my back up when I hear them say things like a house is not a good investment and stuff like that. And I've actually written to one person who's well-known in Canada who does a podcast, and they were talking about this, how it's a bad investment or whatever.
And what... You can't, you cannot compare a house. If you're just talking about strictly as an investment, yes. But buying a house, you cannot compare that to investing in the stock market or anything else because there's so much more emotion involved in a house and what that means. You're just not, you're not building up family memories in your [00:19:00] stock portfolio, let's be honest.
You're building family memories in a house, so it's very different. So I really take issue when people have those comments that, it's not a good investment. Of course it's a good investment s- for so many different reasons
And it's also, like you said, an emotional investment. You need to have a place, I think, to build those memories. And how many times, I'm sure you've sat at a table, maybe there's multiple offers, and two stories come in of the two different buyers, and the seller may go with an offer that's less because they feel emotionally bonded to one of the buyers saying, "I feel like these people really want my house.
They are gonna take care of it." Especially if it's one is a buyer, like a family, and one's an investor. I see where they go, "No I want the family to have it, not the investor to have it," right? Yeah.
Yeah. Within reason, right? Let's be honest, within reason. It-- we're not talking about $200,000 difference. We're talking about, may- maybe 10,000 or something. But I think we've all been on that side where the seller-- we've been in multiple offers, and the seller [00:20:00] has taken less money, and then the agent who doesn't get the house calls and reams us out because how could-- "You didn't take the best offer."
You're never under any obligation to do that, and it's very emotional, right? I've seen people who are like-- that-- I was, I was-- I had a client that said, "Those people were in the backyard, and they said they were gonna rip that clematis down. I'm not selling the house to them." That clematis meant so much to them.
They had it go around this, what do you call those things that you walk through? The arbor. And they had-- they'd worked on this clematis for years and years. It was absolutely stunning, and they heard one of the people say they were gonna rip down the clematis, and they did not wanna sell the house under any circumstances.
Right? You just don't know. So it's so interesting.
Has anyone had a client who made a decision that you knew was wrong about buying a house, and it was maybe difficult to stop them?
I have mixed thoughts on that because I think that d- I've had opinions and thought maybe this isn't the [00:21:00] right house, and then they've moved in and loved it. I've, I've-- like I, I've said things that have maybe put my foot in my mouth, s- maybe about the decor or something. I remember I showed this house and it had one wall was all mirrors, and it had this flooring.
I don't know what it was. Anyway, I made a comment about it, and the client actually loved it. So I don't know. I don't know, other than a decision where th- this, I know something about the client, and that's never really happened, where the client has said, I don't want something that I'm gonna have to put a lot of work in."
And you go in and that the house has been kind of-- You know, you can always tell whether a house has been lovingly maintained or whether it's been cleaned up for showing. That's very obvious to us as realtors. So maybe in that case, but I don't know if I've ever had one where that's happened.
'Cause I think we get such strong relationships with our clients that they trust what we say. So I can't really think of a specific case where that's happened
And I can't think of it either because I really don't think that's our job, is to tell somebody what they want. I think the job is [00:22:00] to point out what you think about that is like maybe you don't think the neighborhood is right for them. Then just tell them, and then they have to make that decision on their own
Yeah, I think you're right. It's ultimately up to the client as long as they've been given the right information. But I do have one instance where I had a client, they had put in an offer on a house, which I had said, "Oh, I think there's some issues with this house structurally." And then we had the home inspection, and there were tons of issues with the house.
There was water issues, there was structural issues in the integrity of the flooring on the first floor. Like just a lot of things. And they loved this house. It was a first-time homebuyer. They loved this house. Their parents were helping them with the financing, and the parent came to me and said what do you think about this house?"
And I said, "Here's all these issues. I think this is bigger issues than what they're thinking it is. Now they're gonna have to get into [00:23:00] it. They're already paying a lot of money." It was during COVID when prices were really high. And I said, "And now they're gonna have to spend a lot more money fixing these issues."
And two things really worry me about houses. One is structural things that are not right about the house, and water. Like water issues, both of those. And this house had that, plus a whole bunch more. Even the location was on a super busy street. And I said, "I've tried to, point these out."
And, the dad said, "Okay can you tell him again?" And he ended up not going for the house, which I think was absolutely the right decision, and ended up finding a better house. And we had driven by there afterwards. The new buyers had bought in, and there were huge dump trucks... or not dump trucks those pod things where they're taking-- like ripping apart the inside of the house, 'cause I think some of these issues were huge.
And I was so happy that, my client didn't move forward with it. [00:24:00] Yeah. I think as long as they have all the information they need, and if they go into it with their eyes wide open knowing what they're getting into, that, that makes a big difference, right?
And I think another thing that we-- it, it's hard to tell a, es- especially a first-time buyer, is that there's always another house. And when it usually is a better house that comes along after you've had the disappointment from the first time. And how often do we see that? That they, they're so disappointed because, the inspection didn't turn out on this house that they loved, and then next week there's even a better house that's at a better price, whatever.
For whatever reason the next house is better
I always s- say to my clients if they don't get it, and I truly believe it, what's meant to be is meant to be, and at the end of the day, it will work out and you're gonna look back at this and say, y- you're right." And it has. Over 36 something years of doing this, I can't tell you how many times people haven't got the house and I've said that, and everything's worked out [00:25:00] at the end, right?
So
Always. Houses are like buses, there's always another one coming along, right?
Yeah. Oh, I love that.
Yes. It's such a hard thing to hear though, I think, especially with buyers and stuff, and they're so crushed. And sometimes they're-- it's at the point where they're done. They're like, "I can't do this anymore. It's too emotional. I'm just gonna put this on hold." And then something comes up, and they end up buying it, and they're always like, "Oh, wow, I'm so happy I didn't get that other house."
It's such a roller coaster. It really is. In Scottish, Evelyn, that's called what's for you won't go by you. And it's a proverb you learn from when you're very small. Your mother says to you, "What's for you won't go by you." So there.
It is. It is. And that's what we're living on a daily basis multiple times, right? 'Cause you're dealing with this one client, and then you're dealing with this one client, and it's like I said real estate is not what people think it is at all.
I know. It's... We get so emotionally [00:26:00] invested in it sometimes, and it's like even after all this time, we're still, we still get emotionally invested in it. So it's, it- but that's what makes it so great. And I think, here's a question. Is there anything that you've learnt along the way for yourself that is like a good a good learning point, let's put it that way?
I'm, I just came up in my head while we were talking. So is there anything, any lessons that you as a realtor have learned along the way in your 36 years that you tell yourself? So we tell our clients, we're giving our clients a lot of different advice. Is there any advice that you tell yourself
When I think I at any time, I really feel that how I feel about real estate is I love it, but I love real estate because it's different every day. I hate real estate because it's different every day. I love real estate because of the people. I hate real estate because of the people. [00:27:00] It just depends on the day.
Because all of the emotions come together and I think it's what we all love about the business is that every day is different, every person is different, and some days something goes well, and other days it, it doesn't go as well. And I think we're also all committed to when it doesn't go as well to finding a way to fix it, and I think that's what makes us love it.
Because whatever needs-- you just... Something happens over here and you run over here and you figure out a way to make it better, and I think that's what we-- it's what I love about it. I love in the end, when it all comes together and every- everybody's happy with the results.
I think part of our job description is to oversee all these transactional details and to find solutions to all the problems that happen along the way, and to keep everybody's emotions in check, and most importantly, to be [00:28:00] fair to, to every- everybody that's involved in it. Yeah. Okay, I have one. So let's change direction here just a little bit. How do you think the industry has changed in terms of how much information is out there? Because we used to be really the gatekeepers of the information, and now buyers and sellers can get a lot of that information online.
So do you think that's made it easier for buyers and sellers, or do you think it's made it harder? I think it's made it easier in some ways, if the information that they've got is correct. Let's put it there. But I think it's also made it harder because they are hearing so many different opinions and perspectives, and it's sometimes hard to decide what's right and what's wrong, what's real, what's fake news, right?
And so I think it's a little bit of both, I think that all the information that people have now is great because I think that it's great for them [00:29:00] to be able to have that information. But I agree, Evelyn, sometimes too much of a good thing. And they, Information is only as good as the way you use it, and sometimes it holds people back from what they really want to do or because they have so much information that they can't process the decision.
What is it they say? A con- a confused mind does nothing. And I think that's right. So when you have the information, whether rates are going up or rates are going down, I think the most important thing is how does all of that impact you and your specific situation, if at all? And how, what are your options based on the information that we get?
And so I think what's missing for a lot of people is they're hearing all this stuff, but like you said, Ruth, it's now what do we do? And when there's so much stuff that's coming at them, they don't know what to do, so they get confused. So I think the information is good if they know how to interpret [00:30:00] it for their specific situation.
And that's where I feel, our job as a realtor comes in, is to find out what their goals are, why they're trying to do what they're doing, and then, based on the information, what's the best way to get to the end result for them. Yeah. I actually think-- I think it's made our job easier, and I think it's made the buyers' and sellers' job harder, in my opinion.
Overall some things it has made better because buyers now can see everything that's available, which is, like you just said, Ruth, about every day being different is the best thing and the worst thing. So the buyers being able to see everything that's available or the perception that they can see everything that's available, 'cause th-they-- that's not necessarily true.
I think it makes it harder for them, and I often say to the agents on my team "Go out and pretend you're a buyer and look at the information that people are seeing online, and then you will understand what the buyer is going through." Because if you're a buyer some of them think they're gonna find the [00:31:00] perfect house online, go look, take a look at it, and then buy that house.
There's so many other things that go into that equation. How you may not realize how far the drive is from your work. You may show up there and see something in the neighborhood you don't like, or you just get a feel in a neighborhood whether you like it or not. It's just a feeling that you get.
So I think for buyers, it's made things harder because you go online, all these properties are syndicated, and then you see property-- you see a property here, and then y-you see it on all kinds of different websites, and it-- you think it's sold, it's not sold, whatever. I think for buyers, it's made things somewhat harder, in my-- And it's made our job easier, although s- in saying it's made it easier, it also has made realtors have to step up their game because it's not just...
you need to have more skills to be able to help a buyer because they have all that information that's available to them and help them to understand what to look for online what is what is realtor speak for different things about a house. We can read a listing and know this is not [00:32:00] gonna work for this buyer 'cause this buyer wants a big open concept, and it says cozy rooms or whatever, and you know right away that means little tiny rooms.
So I think it's, I think it's made our job easier, provided we've stepped up our game in what we need to be able to do, and it's made buyers' jobs harder. Even sellers, because sellers will look at houses in their area to see what they're going for and think they have a good i- a good read on what their house should be worth, and it could be totally different.
There's s- things that matter. Corner lots matter. Lots of things matter that impact the price of their house. Okay. What's never changed? I think what remains the same is that real estate really is about the people and their life changes and the emotions that they're experiencing.
with all the technology that we have to communicate with people, I think it still comes down to that face-to-face, belly-to-belly conversations. Yeah I think what's never changed although through the whole thing with the technology, is you've gotta see the house and you've [00:33:00] gotta feel the house and the neighborhood.
And that it doesn't matter what it looks like online because online does not tell you layout. It may show you each room, but there's no way that you can bring the layout into feel. You have to see it and feel it. And placing your furniture, things like that, I think that h- those things have never changed.
You have to be able to see the property. Just looking at it online doesn't give you the same, real idea. Not only that, it-- like, when we talk about the emotional side of it, right? How many of us have had a client who say they want a house with certain features? It has to be two story, it has to have a finished basement, it, has to have certain things, and then they go out and buy something totally different.
And it's... because they think it's about the bricks and mortar, but it's not. It's about that feeling, and there's a feeling when you walk into a house, and we've all experienced that when we've worked with clients and a client has walked into a house and we're like, "Wow." They're just...
i've had situations where I'm showing a buyer and seller, like a [00:34:00] couple, and the wife loves the house, and I say he's not feeling it." And it's true, right? You can see they're... And that's the wording I use, so it's pretty self-explanatory. They're just not feeling it.
And houses and you're like, "Okay, this ticks all the boxes and it has everything that you want," and they don't buy it because they don't feel it.
And then you, other ones where the door opens and they don't even need to go in because I personally, my very first house, I didn't need to go in. I already knew. The door opened, I just took one look, like from the hallway. I knew that this is my house. And then my parents bought a house in Florida.
I was there on holiday one time, and we walked in, like we, we were in a model home, and the doors opened, and we all just went... it was... we all, we didn't need to go in. We- that was our house already. And it's so funny that you say that, 'cause what I thought you were gonna say, Ruth, was the doors opened and oh gosh.
'Cause that's happened too, right? You're showing a house, and they walk it up, and then they're like, "Okay, this..." And then the doors open and they go, " that goes back to looking at the houses online, right? And we've all had clients who will call and say, "I need to see [00:35:00] this house. I'm gonna put in an offer on this house." And they've seen it online, and they open the door and you just, y- you... It's just ugh, it's like this complete letdown, right?
It's aw. It's funny that you say that because now, the buyers have all this access to all this home, these homes, and they give you this list of, I don't know, a lot of homes, right? And you're like, "Oh, I know most of these are not gonna work." So often I'll sit with them over a Zoom, and if they've got this huge list and I say, "Let's go through some of these properties."
And I'll point out some things, and they'll be like, "Oh, I didn't see that," or, "I didn't realize that." Even without having to go, right? So sometimes when you explain and show them certain things that they just didn't see, because sometimes especially now they're staging. They're making it look pretty trying to prevent that swipe left.
And they just... It looks pretty, but they're not really seeing certain things, or there's other things about the house that they don't want. I do country homes, and so some people are perfectly fine with septic and wells, and other people don't wanna have anything to [00:36:00] do with it, right? So it's all these other things that they have to to look at as well.
So yeah, it's ex- it's interesting. That, you know what? That brings up a really good point about selling. And sellers sometimes get very em- not get, they're always emotional about their house. And when we stage a house, that's why we stage it a lot of times because a seller will feel like, "This is, this is me.
This is perfect." "Why wouldn't anybody love this house?" And we need to stage it because we need to make it, like we need to make the appeal to the widest audience, right? And not necessarily... I always had a really hard time when staging became a thing where they would say, "Take down all the, your personal photos and stuff."
And I always thought that's what makes a house a home." And I remember having a conversation with a stager and she said yeah, that's exactly why you take them down because you don't, we don't need people looking at those photos," right? They're not supposed to be focusing on the photos.
They're supposed to be focusing on the house and seeing themselves in that house, not, "Oh, I'm in somebody else's house." That's the worst [00:37:00] thing, right? When they go in and, they're in somebody else's house. Because we all know if they're in somebody else's house, it's not their house, they're not gonna buy it.
So it, it's a really good example for sellers to understand yes, I know you love your house and I know this is how you live in your house, and that's great. We wanna make sure that the buyer doesn't feel like they're in your house. They want, we want them to feel like they're in their house. And I think too, one of the one stager told me one time that her job was to make someone see something over there and draw their eyes away from something else over here.
And I think sometimes that's, we don't, buyers don't realize that either. They're getting so excited about what's over here that they're missing out what's here. So I think we have to let them know that too. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's draw their you're drawn towards the good things when-
That's exactly what staging does. It takes a focal point of every room and [00:38:00] highlights that focal point, and the focal point obviously is the best feature. So yeah. Okay So what's, what are some takeaways that we can, that we could give people to, like from what we've talked about today, what are maybe some of the takeaways that we, that you've got from this?
I think for buyers to realize that, buying a home is emotional and that you're not just buying the home, as we said, you're buying that feeling. And if it feels right, it doesn't necessarily have to tick off every single box. There's no perfect house, but there is a house out there that will provide for you how you want to live the next phase of your life.
And speaking about emotions and feelings, that house should be able to deliver on how you want to live your house now and in the future, and not how you lived it in the past, right? So for example, if you're a downsizer and you had this big house but you're moving 'cause you wanna be closer to your kids, [00:39:00] you don't necessarily need to bring that big house to your next purchase.
Live for how your next phase of life is and... yeah. Our-- my stager always says don't buy a house based on how you're gonna use that house 10% of the year." Don't buy a house with a massive dining room because you host Christmas dinner twice a year.
Or sorry, hosting Christmas dinner twice a year. Or let's say hosting a big family dinner twice a year. Don't buy that house that has the massive dining room that you're gonna use two times a year.
Yeah, and I think too, for a lot of people, don't wait for the interest rates to go down. Don't wait for this to get better. Don't wait. If you're ready to buy a house, go ahead and buy it now because the one important thing about buying a house is the enjoyment that you get from it. And that is, I think, what most people don't take into consideration when they're saying to themselves, "Oh, I'm gonna wait," because the rate might not be the most important thing.
It very rarely is. The h- the house, the home you're gonna create, and the life you're gonna live [00:40:00] there, that's what's important.
Yeah. I think my takeaway is about the emotion, the emotional side and the logical side of it. Some people are trying to make a logical decision about an emotional experience or vice versa, and the people who do the best understand that some part of this is emotional and some part of it is logical, and they work with both of those.
And usually when there's a couple, there's one who's more emotional and one who's more logical, and we have to get them to gel and see both sides of it. So I think the ones who do the best understand that part of it
Okay, let's do some rapid fire. All right? What most people don't realize about what happens emotionally after they sign the paperwork is that they-- then they've made that decision, and now they are going to find all the reasons why it works.
We buy with our heart, and then we justify with our head. So they buy the house, and then they justify why it's a good buy, regardless of whether it's, like we just said earlier, they bought a house that's totally different than what they said they wanted to buy, [00:41:00] and now they've bought it because it's an emotional decision, and now they're gonna justify it with their head
Yep. And I, and another thing I think that comes up all the time is once you've bought the house, don't buy anything else until it closes, right? I think so many people forget that, and all of a sudden they wanna go buy out and furnish the house they run up to The Brick and they spend five grand and it's...
Put their ratios out or they get a new car, and suddenly when it comes to closing, there's issues. That's something that I think about Okay, I think what most people don't realize about why some people never pull the trigger is because they're always waiting for something to change before they make their decision.
Yeah. They're always waiting for interest rates or whatever. I agree. What people don't realize about buying a house is there's never a perfect house. What you have to do is find a house that suits you to check off the majority of the boxes.
If you have questions [00:42:00] or send us your stories, we always love to hear stories about, things that happened to you That's the best part is hearing stories about when people have bought or sold, things that have happened to them in the past, and we read those for sure. And if you enjoyed this episode, if it hit home for you, share it with someone who you think might enjoy it as well.
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